Get Me to the Mandap on Time
Introduction
The minute I received my friends’ emerald green wedding invitation urging me to come to Bangkok for a three-day Indian wedding, I threw caution to the wind. I rushed on-line to buy a ticket from Thai Airways. Then reality sank in. Was it really a nonstop 17-hour flight from Los Angeles to Bangkok? What would I do with all my appointments for the next few weeks? Should I take my 11-year old daughter who was still in school?
In the end, my spirit of adventure won. I was dying to be a guest of a wedding like Mira Nair’s Monsoon Wedding. After all, it wasn’t every day that I was invited to an event that was part religious ritual, part feast and part family soap opera. Besides, how could a Hindu wedding be so full of religion and still be fun or be considered a feast without meat or alcohol? I had to find out, so it was a mad dash to fix my affairs so I would get to the wedding on time.
The Bride & Groom
The bride Gyanam and the groom Ashay called their marriage a “merger” rather than an “acquisition.” Hindu tradition dictates that when a bride marries, she leaves her own family behind and becomes part of the groom’s family. In this marriage, the couple insisted their marriage was a union of both families.
Gyanam and Ashay chose each other in what Easterners call a “love marriage.” They met six years ago while they were studying engineering at University of California – San Diego.
Though their marriage wasn’t prearranged, one wonders if it was more than coincidence that the bride and groom both grew up on a university technology campus, both fathers are university professors and pioneers of the information technology community, and both are Indian but with families living in Thailand and India but found each other in the U.S.?
Day One: Guests Arrive
The first day, wedding guests began pouring into the Bangkok. The bride’s father, Sada, camped out at the airport most of the night and day. He was coming and going in his rented SUV, armed with a cell phone and a long e-mail which listed the numerous arrival times and names of guests. As guests arrived, Sada dropped them off at his house, which was located at the Asian Institute of Technology. The wedding itself would be on the university campus, located about 40 km north of Bangkok, next to Thammasat University, on the Rangsit Campus.
Soon, the house was bursting at its seams. Decked out in saris and gold jewelry, there was Aunt Meenakshi, Aunt Manjusha and Grandma Kamla, who flew in from New Delhi. Ashwin, the favorite cousin, who brought Gyanam to his second grade class for show and tell time, he came in from London. Ashwini, the bride’s best friend, took a week off from her pharmaceutical job in Princeton, New Jersey, to make it to the wedding.
The couple had friends who were living in San Diego, Sydney, and Singapore. All of them dropped their daily routine to fly thousands of miles to show up in Bangkok for them. The wedding had such a mixture of people from several continents, religions, and walks of life, it could have been called Bangkok Masala.
Day Two: Pre-Wedding Rituals
The second day of the wedding arrived normally for the Sadananda family in Bangkok. Nothing but a patch of clouds and the ever present threat of June’s monsoon rains. Not enough to even slightly dampen the growing excitement of the two lovebirds.
The whole neighborhood knew that someone in the Sadananda family was getting married. The roof of the house now sparkled with white lights and the trees in the front yard were tied with colored florescent tube lights.
Welcoming Guests
To the beating of an Indian drum, Ashay, the groom, his family and other wedding guests, were greeted by members of Gyanam’s family as they entered the bride’s house. Other guests were charged with making as much noise as possible to make the newcomers feel welcome.
The Haldi – Purification Ceremony
The purification ceremony, or haldi, followed. Gyanam and Ashay sat on the floor, dressed in old T-shirts and pants. Each guest dabbed their fingers in a green paste made of yogurt and herbs, and smeared pasty globs all over their bodies. Soon the couple’s feet, hands, calves, back, and even faces were covered with dots of green. This ritual symbolized the cleansing of the past, and now they could then begin a new life together. The bride and groom then went off to shower. Twenty minutes later, they emerged. Gyanam was now dressed in a beautiful green tunic and pants called a salwar kameez and the Ashay was dressed in a gold tunic and pants called churi daar.
The Puja Ganesh Ceremony
Then the guests offered a prayer or puja to Lord Ganesh and scattered flower petals on the Hindu Elephant God known for his wisdom and as a remover of life’s obstacles.
Then Gyanam’s maternal aunt slipped jeweled red bangles on her wrists, symbolizing that she was now a ‘bride’. Guests then gave them their individual wedding gifts. Ashay’s parents gave the bride Gyanam saris and gold jewelry Gold jewelry was on practically every Indian guest in some form, as gold is considered the most precious metal in Indian culture. There were also gift exchanges between Ashay’s and Gyanam’s families of clothes and jewelry.
The Mehndi Ceremony
After the Puja ceremony, a relative painted Gyanam’s hands and feet with henna for the mehndi ceremony. She squeezed the purplish black henna paste out of a tube ever so carefully, and drew intricate designs on her hands and feet. The natural dye goes on a deep color, but after about a half hour, it dries. When it’s washed off, it turns to a reddish brown hue and lasts about ten days.
Though most of the female guests had their hands painted with henna too, Gyanam’s hands and feet were decorated with the most complex lacy and spidery patterns.
The act of other women joining in the henna painting signifies good fortune and happiness for the new bride. Red is an auspicious color, and the red of the henna symbolizes happiness, fertility, and good fortune for the bride. It is also a time for everyone to have fun and be creative! The evening ended with dancing and dinner.
Day 3: The Wedding Ceremony
The lucky day of the wedding finally came. Drawing on practiced Indian tradition, June 5th was the auspicious date chosen and agreed upon by both families.
The wedding ceremony took place in the backyard of the house. The wedding canopy or the mandap was set up and waited for the couple to sit underneath it’s shade. The mandap’s roof was a sea green and blue, and covered a raised platform like a stage. Long strands of marigolds hung from the four pillars of the canopy, and the golden strands swayed in the soft breeze of the morning.
The sacred ceremony began at 10:40 a.m. sharp. The couple entered the mandap, and sat next to each other on a red carpet. The families of the couple then sat around them in a circle while the guests sat beneath the stage, looking up and taking pictures of the ceremony.
A small charcoal fire stove was set in the middle. The fire was to be the centerpiece of the ceremony. The sacred fire symbolizes purity and source of energy, and it’s believed that fire dispels darkness and ignorance, and acts as a witness to the marriage. Guests were seated beneath the stage, looking up and taking pictures of the ceremony.
The Hindu priest, or pandit, guided Gyanam and Ashay in lighting the sacred fire under the mandap while he recited Sanskrit hymns and mantras. The couples’ families fed the fire with oil, grains, and nuts. The smoke of the fire made the air blurry with heat and the ceremony turned mystical. The families sang songs while the pandit played an accordion-type instrument called a harmonium.
Then the couple were tied together with a scarf. They took 7 steps together while the Pandit recited the vows which stressed the importance of their friendship with each other.
Gyanam and Ashay walked around the fire together four times, signifying the four directions of the earth, north, south, east and west. After, they put their hands on each other’s heart, which meant that through good times and bad, they would always remain best friends.
It was not until 1:00 p.m, three hours later, that guests put their cameras away and the poking to get a view stopped. A lunch followed after the wedding ceremony, and guests returned to their rooms to rest before the wedding reception later that evening.
Wedding Reception
For the reception, Gyanam had changed into a deep peachy rose sari which was given to her by Ashay’s parents, and Ashay wore a golden Indian sherwani.
The reception centered on passing on good wishes to Gyanam and Ashay standing on a stage under a giant banner bearing their names. One at a time, guests approached the stage, congratulated Gyanam and Ashay, and then took a formal portrait with the newlyweds by their photographer standing ready nearby.
For entertainment, a Thai girl performed traditional Thai dances, followed by a slide show of the couple’s childhood and courtship, which was created by the couple’s brother and sister. Appetizers included light snacks of spring rolls, fresh fruit, sweets, and guava juice and fruit punch. Noticeable absent was alcohol, following in the Hindu tradition.
Then the couple cut their pink wedding cake. It was a three-tiered cake in the shape of a heart with pink rose petals in the center. After politely nibbling the wedding cake, guests filed home a mere two hours later, blessed and sober.
It was just as I dreamed it when I packed my pink top and skirt a few days earlier. I felt the religion and smelled the incense. I went to my first wedding without alcohol and I didn’t even miss the meat. I had a bolly good time.